Is a Secret Worth You
by ParanoiaQueen
Summary: Grantaire woke with a splitting hangover and the knowledge that he had lost the love of his life. All because he wanted to keep their relationship a secret. But upon reminiscing about their months together, he may realize that their relationship was and is stronger than he thought.


The first thing that Grantaire processed when he woke up was his pounding headache. He'd been drinking again. Over the last few months he'd really tried to cut back, but last night he'd slipped. It only took him a moment more to remember why: his fight with Enjolras. His potentially-relationship-ending-fight with Enjolras.

Grantaire groaned audibly as the memories from the night before came flooding back to him. How he'd goaded his Apollo until the insults were flying quicker than anyone could process. How neither of them had let up for a second, hadn't stopped to realize how much they'd regret it, until Grantaire had stormed out of the Musian and gone home alone for the first time in weeks.

He remembered the looks of horror on the faces of their friends and he knew that if they had known the full truth of what was happening, they would have never been able to believe it. See, none of them knew that Grantaire and Enjolras were together. They didn't know about the stolen kisses, the reassuring texts, how Grantaire could no longer sleep without Enjolras in his bed, or how Grantaire had practically moved in to his Apollo's flat. His friends didn't know any of that. And it was all because of Grantaire. And now, his insistence on secrets might just have ruined the very thing he was trying to protect.

/

 _ **6 months prior**_

" _Grantaire, can I speak to you for a moment?" Enjolras called out just as R was about to leave the Musain._

" _Yeah, sure," he tried to sound nonchalant as he waved goodbye to the rest of the amis and gathered strength to face their fearless leader. His heart was pounding in his chest; he knew that he was about to get chastised. The problem was, he didn't know what for. They'd been getting along better recently, ever since that project with the homeless shelter, and R had resisted making nearly half of the sarcastic comments that had popped into his head during the meeting. He was trying goddamnit!_

" _So, what can I do for you, Apollo?" Grantaire leaned back in his chair as Enjolras approached, trying not to let his panic show on his face._

" _Don't call me that," Enjolras replied, but without any real emotion behind it. Like he was distracted by something. Probably trying to figure out how to tell Grantaire he didn't want him to come to meetings anymore, why else would he wait until everyone else was gone? Honestly, R was surprised it had taken this long for him to get kicked out of the group. It wasn't like he contributed anything anyway. He just got them off topic during discussions and argued with Enjolras about how his plans wouldn't actually change anything._

" _Trying to figure out how to tell me I'm out?" Grantaire 'joked' after Enjolras had been silent for too long, refusing to even make eye contact._

" _What?!" That startled his Apollo enough that Enjolras finally looked at him. "No, that's not it at all! Why would you think that?"_

" _Calm down, I was only teasing," R threw in a small smile that he hoped looked reassuring and not as deranged as his current mental state. "Just curious what you could possibly have to say to the likes of me."_

" _I, well, um…" Enjolras ran a frustrated hand through his hair as he sputtered. "Okay, you know what?" He looked straight at Grantaire with his eyes filled with the fiery passion he usually reserved for his causes. "I'm just going to come right out and say this."_

" _Go right ahead, you're always telling us how this is a safe space and all," Grantaire knew it was probably the wrong thing to say but in between resisting the urge to run as fast as possible and the urge to fall to his knees begging Enjolras to not force him away, he didn't really have any mental energy left over for a verbal filter._

" _I like you." And wow that was not what Grantaire was expecting to come out of Enjolras' mouth. "I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I feel that there's the potential for something between us and I would like to spend time getting to know you better and exploring it." Grantaire could feel his mouth dropping open and was powerless to stop it. "Now obviously your consent to this is important to me and I apologize if this makes you uncomfortable. Just say the word and I will never bring this up again." Enjolras was looking at him pointedly, probably expecting a response beyond Grantaire gaping like a fish._

 _R could see the confidence draining out of his face, being replaced with uncertainty. Over whether or not Grantaire wanted him. This was beyond anything he had ever imagined could be possible. He knew he had to get himself together and say something, He could panic about this all he wanted to after he reassured his Apollo._

" _So you're saying that you want to go on dates… with me?"_

" _That would seem to be the gist of it." There was a slight blush covering Enjolras' cheeks as he spoke. "Only if you want to, of course."_

" _Oh my fucking god, you have got to be shitting me." Enjolras flinched back._

" _I see, sorry if I've made you uncomfortable, I…" Enjolras mumbled as he started to get up._

" _No wait," R cut him off, "shit sorry, I didn't mean it in a bad way I'm just surprised. So let me rephrase in a clearer way. Yes, Enjolras, I would love to go on a date with you."_

 _The smile he got in return proved that Apollo was the right nickname for this beautiful man. He lit up completely, his whole being seemed to glow with happiness. And his light worked to banish the shadows of doubt in Grantaire's mind. He knew that this was a terrible idea, that Enjolras would regret it in a heartbeat, but looking at how supremely happy his acceptance was making the other man, Grantaire knew that he couldn't ruin it with his gloom. That until Enjolras realized what a terrible mistake he was making, R would be right their beside him to bask in his light._

 _/_

From the moment they got together Enjolras had wanted to tell everyone. He didn't like keeping secrets from his friends. But Grantaire had insisted that it stay between them. He'd claimed that he wanted them to have a chance to figure out what they were doing before they had the entire group of well-meaning meddlers unleashed upon them. He'd pointed out what had happened when Marius had first introduced Cossette to the group, how suddenly their relationship overshadowed everything else. How everyone had a say in how they thought Marius should express his love. His arguments wore Enjolras down, as he knew they would. He'd spent enough time arguing with his Apollo to know exactly what to say to win him over. But Grantaire didn't say his other reasons.

He kept his insecurities to himself. How people wouldn't think he was good enough to be with the blond god that was Enjolras. How he was terrified that this would make everyone judge his actions even more. They wouldn't say anything to him directly, of course, but he knew he'd see disapproval on their faces when he tried to argue with Enjolras that he was being an idealistic nimrod or that 'yeah that plan is nice but it's also low key hella illegal and you will get disinherited if you get arrested again'.

/

 _ **5 months and 3 weeks prior**_

 _R fidgeted nervously with the bottom of his jacket as he stood outside the Italian place he and Enjolras had agreed to meet at. Their first date. And, if he was being honest with himself, probably their last. He didn't know what had possessed Enjolras to ask him out but he refused to hide parts of himself just to get him to stay. It would be too easy for him to lose himself to keep Enjolras and he had to be strong enough not to do that._

" _Sorry I'm late, have you been waiting long?" Enjolras jogged up to him breathless with cheeks flushed._

" _No, I've just been here a few minutes," R shot him a small smile. Even if this was going to crash in flames, he still could enjoy the moment while it lasted._

" _Shall we, then?" Enjolras gestured to the door and R followed when he entered. They ended up at a corner booth that Grantaire had a sneaking suspicion Enjolras had specifically requested._

" _Thank you for agreeing to this," Enjolras smiled at him over the top of his menu._

" _Oh, yes, because it's such a hardship for me to go out with someone who looks like a literal Greek God," Grantaire rolled his eyes. He expected Enjolras to bristle at the compliment, like he did with the nickname Apollo, but instead he looked almost fond and there was a light blush dusting his cheeks._

" _Do you really think that? I mean I know I shouldn't care about things like appearance and that-"_

" _Yes," Grantaire cut off Enjolras' nervous rambles, "I think you're really hot." Enjolras' whole face lit up with a blinding smile. "And let's be honest here, people care about appearances."_

" _Well yes, but that's only because of what society is telling them through media, it's all so arbitrary what societal standards of beauty are. Why is it any of their business to say who is attractive and who isn't."_

 _And they went on like that. Debating back and forth on a fluid array of topics, only pausing when the waitress would come up to their table. They were so absorbed in their discussion that it took nearly an hour for them to decide what to eat, and even then it was only because they felt bad about making the waitress come over so many times._

 _They stayed until closing, still throwing ideas back and forth about a wide variety of topics. And Grantaire felt alive. His skin was almost buzzing with energy. He had the entirety of his Apollo's attention focused on him and they hadn't veered into nastiness once. They'd gotten along better than he'd thought possible and Enjolras hadn't looked bored for even a second._

" _Let me walk you home," Enjolras interjected the moment they stepped outside._

" _It's nearly the opposite direction from your place, and you know I can't afford the best neighborhood." Grantaire looked down as he spoke. He knew on the surface Enjolras would say he didn't care about things like money, but it's very different to say things like that then to see the rathole that R can afford off of the tips he makes at the bar._

" _I can uber home, it'll be fine. And if you don't want me alone in your neighborhood then you shouldn't be alone either. So let me walk you."_

" _Alright, fine, you've persuaded me." He still didn't think this was the best idea but he knew that Enjolras wasn't easily stopped once he decided on something. And he also wasn't ready for this night to end._

" _Good." Enjolras graced him with a small smile as they started to walk before resuming a tirade on all the reasons Grantaire was wrong about the changes happening in beauty standards._

 _It was only a block or so before R felt Enjolras grab his hand. He was so surprised that he cut off in the middle of a sentence to look down and make sure that it was actually happening._

" _Is this okay?" Enjolras' voice was small and laced with uncertainty. He was nervous. That R wouldn't want to hold his hand._

" _Yes, this is just perfect."_

 _/_

Grantaire knew that he wasn't cut out to be the supportive boyfriend who always cheered their partner on from the sidelines. He was contrary by nature and he didn't want to have to change himself to keep Enjolras, but he knew that the others wouldn't understand. Then there was the other problem. The root of the reason that he didn't want to tell anyone. He didn't think Enjolras would understand why he kept being himself.

Grantaire could feel in his bones that Enjolras would wake up soon and realize that he didn't want to be with Grantaire anymore. That whatever crazy spell he was under to make him think he wanted the resident cynic would fade and Enjolras would leave. And Grantaire pretended that he'd be able to cope with that. With having everything he wanted just for a moment then letting it walk out the door. But he definitely wouldn't be able to cope with his friends knowing. With the looks of pity he would ultimately get when Enjolras moved on with his life. So he'd pushed to keep it a secret and gotten Enjolras to agree. And now it was coming to bite him in the arse.

/

 _ **4 months prior**_

 _Grantaire had just mentioned it in passing, like it wasn't a big deal. He knew how busy Enjolras was with the latest campaign. He knew that he didn't have time to be distracted. So he'd let slip that he had a few pieces in a gallery showing that was coming up while Enjolras was busy reading the paper. He'd gotten a grunt of acknowledgement and considered that the end of it. If Enjolras got made about it later, well, he had told him and it wasn't that big of a deal anyway. Except that it was._

 _Grantaire looked around the gallery and thought how he really wanted Enjolras there to help him through it. At this point any friendly faces in the room would be a blessing, but Enjolras would be the best of all. He could feel the panic starting to grip his heart, his breathing was getting shallow and rapid. He was about to have an all out panic attack when he felt someone grab his hand._

" _Pretty good turn out," Enjolras whispered in his ear as he squeezed his hand, "looks like it's going great."_

" _Enjolras? What are you doing here?"_

" _Supporting my boyfriend." Enjolras looked honestly confused by the question._

" _But how did you know… I didn't give you any of the details."_

" _I do know how to use Google you know. All I had to do was type in your name and it all came right up."_

" _You really don't have to be here, I know how busy you are with the campaign."_

" _It can wait a few nights, this is important to you."_

" _I still don't understand how you… how do you know any of this?"_

" _You mentioned it at breakfast a few weeks ago and I've seen how stressed you were recently so I put two and two together, I'm not completely oblivious to what's going on around me." He gave Grantaire a pointed look. "And I didn't want to stress you out more by bringing it up when it seemed like you didn't want to talk about it, so I just found the information myself. I can leave if you don't want me here."_

" _Gods no, please stay." Enjolras smiled at him and gave his hand another squeeze._

" _Then I'll stay. Did you invite anyone we know or do I get to be in full on boyfriend mode for the night?"_

" _Boyfriend away, it's just us and about 100 people I need to con into buying my art."_

 _/_

He'd known that Enjolras hated it. Enjolras told Courf and Ferre everything but he was forced to lie to them about this. Enjolras had tried again and again to convince Grantaire that they should reveal their relationship, they'd been together for months, they'd hit a good place and it was time to stop lying. But even though Grantaire knew his excuses were wearing thin, he still wouldn't open up. Last night had been the breaking point. They'd just finished a major campaign that Les Amis had been working on, and for once had nothing else huge on the immediate horizon. It would have been the perfect time to come out to the group as a whole. Everyone was already happy and celebrating, they didn't have major plans to distract from, and Enjolras and Grantaire had seemed solid in their relationship. Enjolras had been so happy, convinced that Grantaire would finally be okay with coming clean. But when he'd refused, resisted coming clean to their friends, something had snapped. The crestfallen look on Enjolras' face had driven Grantaire straight to the bottle. And once he'd gotten drunk, what little verbal filter he did have vanished, and the two had spent the rest of the night at each other's throats.

Grantaire wasn't an idiot, he knew that this was the shoe he'd been waiting to drop. That if he'd stopped being a coward for a millisecond, he could still have Enjolras. But there was no use worrying about that now. There was not a single doubt in Grantaire's mind that his golden Apollo was long gone, and he was responsible for driving him away.

/

 _ **3 months prior**_

 _Grantaire couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able to get more than a few hours a night for the past week. It was just one of those times that his anxiety kept him awake and, when he did sleep, nightmares would jolt him awake before he felt anywhere close to rested. He didn't want to do anything or see anyone. His head was aching, he was crabby and irritated, and he didn't want to inflict himself on any of his friends. It always stopped eventually and they could do without him until then._

 _This happened sometimes. He would just disappear for days at a time. As long as he sent a text about it, the others trusted that he was fine and would come to him if he needed them to. They knew he'd come back when he felt better. That's why he was so surprised when he heard the knock at the door. The others knew better than to bother him when he was like this._

 _He opened the door a crack to see Enjolras holding a straining bag of something. He shouldn't be surprised. This was the first time his anxiety and depression had acted up this much since they got together, of course Enjolras wouldn't know to leave him alone until he had it all sorted. But he wasn't thinking of all that. Grantaire was just upset that someone had decided to come bother him when he really wasn't up for dealing with it._

" _What are you doing here?" He practically spat out at his boyfriend._

" _I haven't seen you in almost a week, I was worried. You haven't been responding to any of my messages and no one has seen you. Can I please come in for just a minute?" There was a desperate tone in Enjolras' voice, it was enough to convince Grantaire to at least hear him out. He would reassure him that everything was fine then send him on his way._

" _I texted you that I was fine," Grantaire grumbled, but moved aside for Enjolras to enter anyway. Even in this state he couldn't really deny his Apollo anything._

" _That was almost a week ago and I haven't heard from you since, I was worried! Joly and Bousset said that you weren't feeling well so I brought soup." He held up the bag he was carrying._

" _You asked them about me! What did you tell them?"_

" _I just said I was concerned because you weren't at the meetings, you don't have to worry. I didn't tell them anything about us. I know you don't want them to know." There was a resigned note in his voice, they'd had this argument a million times, but Grantaire wasn't in the mood._

" _Well, thank you Apollo for descending to bring us lesser mortals some sustenance, but as you can see, I'm fine. I'm just not up for company at the moment so I will see you later."_

" _Why do you keep saying things like that?" Enjolras ignored the obvious dismissal and something flashed in his eyes._

" _Saying what, Apollo?"_

" _Calling me Apollo or saying things about lesser mortals, you do know that I'm just as human as you are, right?"_

" _Ah I forgot, everyone is equal in your eyes."_

" _I'm not a god. I'm a human being, Grantaire. Same as everyone else."_

" _But you're not the same, are you? You think you can swoop in and save everyone with the power of your righteous fury."_

" _I'm trying to make the world a better place, that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes or I can't be wrong about things!" The fire was starting to build up in Enjolras' eyes._

" _Oh our fearless leader is admitting that he can be wrong! Stop the presses!"_

" _Stop it! Stop calling me things like that. And stop tiptoeing around me! You think I don't see it. That you can just pass it off as jokes. But, Grantaire, you need to stop calling me shit like this. I'm not a fucking god. I'm your equal. I'm not some magical fix it, I'm a human being. So how about you stop being contrary about everything I'm saying, stop idolizing me or whatever the hell you're doing, and let me know what's wrong so I can help you!"_

" _You can't fix me."_

" _Jesus Christ Grantaire. I'm not trying to fix you. Did you miss the entire point of what I've been saying? I can't fix you and I don't want to because there's nothing wrong with you. I'm not this perfect person you act like I am and I'm not going to run screaming the second you tell me something I won't like. So how about you realize that I am trying to help us have a grown up relationship and eat your damn soup!"_

" _I'm not that kind of sick, it's not going to help." Grantaire growled._

" _Oh really, when's the last time you've eaten an actual meal?" Grantaire lapsed into silence at that, he couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten anything more substantial than a pop tart. "That's what I thought" Enjolras moved around him into his kitchen to get the soup set up. A few moments later Grantaire stumbled in after him._

 _Grantaire insisted on eat his soup on the couch, Enjolras insisted on sitting next to him and making sure he ate all of it. He turned on reruns of Avatar the Last Airbender while he ate, there was nothing like children's cartoons for when your mind refused to function._

" _Why does that kid have tattoos on his head?" It was the first thing that Enjolras had said since Grantaire had started eating and almost caused him to drop his spoon in shock._

" _You've never seen Avatar?"_

" _Isn't that the movie with the blue people?"_

" _What the actual fuck? You've never seen this show?"_

" _It's called Avatar?"_

" _I cannot believe I agreed to date someone who has never seen Avatar. This is absurd." Grantaire could feel his energy levels rising as he contemplated someone living a life without Avatar the Last Airbender. "You know what, fuck it. This is too important." He set his soup down on the coffee table and got up to get his laptop._

" _Where are you going."_

" _I'm getting my computer and we are starting this show from the beginning."_

" _So I can stay for a bit?"_

" _I'd prefer to phrase it as I'm not letting you leave until you are fully exposed to this vital piece of pop culture."_

" _If you insist." There was a small smile etched with relief on Enjolras' face as he watched R bustle around getting his laptop set up._

" _Now get ready for this show to blow your fucking mind." R settled back down on the couch, closer to his boyfriend than before._

 _Grantaire woke up groggy and disoriented. Someone was petting his head. It felt nice. He let out a small sound of contentment._

" _Are you awake?" Enjolras' voice was soft, barely audible above the sounds of cartoon violence still coming from R's computer._

" _How long was I out?"_

" _Well, I'm pretty sure you slept through the entirety of season 2 so around 7 hours?"_

" _Holy fuck, I'm sorry."_

" _Don't worry about it, you looked like you needed the sleep."_

" _I did. And you just kept watching the whole time?"_

" _Well yeah, it's a show about overthrowing a tyrannical government." Enjolras stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world._

" _See, I told you that you were missing out," Grantaire smiled up at Enjolras from where his head was pillowed on Enjolras' lap. "What episode are you on?"_

" _Oh there is this nice lady from the Southern Water tribe teaching Katara some new moves."_

 _/_

Forcing himself to stop wallowing in pity, Grantaire slowly sat up in bed. He needed to go grab something to ease this ache in his head. But as he moved to get out of bed, he noticed something he hadn't before. He'd been so wrapped up in his own little world he hadn't noticed the sounds of someone else in his apartment. He'd missed the sound of sizzling bacon, the low hum of his coffee maker, and the absentminded humming noise of a distracted Enjolras. A distracted Enjolras who was apparently in his kitchen. Cooking. After the biggest fight they'd ever had. So like any rational human being, Grantaire completely froze. It wasn't until the door to his bedroom as being opened that he was able to move. And then he only looked up so that his eyes could confirm that he wasn't hallucinating, Enjolras really was in his apartment with a plate of breakfast in his hands.

/

 _ **2 months prior**_

" _What's this?" Grantaire held up the key he'd found on Enjolras' counter on top of a note with his name on it._

" _It's a key."_

" _I can see that. What's it for?"_

" _It's your key. For here."_

" _Here as in your apartment?"_

" _Yeah, you're over here enough I figured you should have one." Enjolras shrugged as he took another sip of his coffee._

" _You are giving me a key to your apartment?"_

" _Yep. You said you've been having trouble sleeping by yourself so now you can just come here. I've cleaned out some drawers for you."_

" _You've cleaned out drawers for me?" Grantaire knew he was gaping at his boyfriend, but this just wasn't what he'd expected when he'd woken up that morning._

" _Are you having fun repeating everything I'm saying?"_

" _No, I'm just surprised. It's a big step."_

" _I guess, but you've been here more often than not anyway and it's just easier on both of us if you can let yourself in and don't have to run back to your place all the time."_

" _Okay so I'm going to need you to pinch me."_

" _Can I hug you instead? It sounds much more pleasant."_

" _After. I need the pain."_

" _Okay fine, I will pinch you, and kiss it better when you start complaining about how much it hurts."_

" _I won't!" Grantaire replied petulantly._

" _Oh, we both know that is a lie." Enjolras rolled his eyes, but still made his way over to pinch his boyfriend on the arm._

" _Ow! That hurt."_

" _Believe you're awake now?"_

" _Yes! You didn't have to pinch so hard!"_

" _Want me to kiss it better?"_

 _Grantaire just stuck out his tongue in reply, luckily Enjolras knew him well enough to know that childish behavior usually meant yes. He pulled R's arm up and put a light kiss over the spot he'd pinched._

" _Is it all better?"_

" _Yes."_

" _And will you accept my key?"_

" _I think I can do that."_

 _/_

"Oh, you're awake," Enjolras' voice was jumpier than usually, he obviously wasn't expecting to have to face Grantaire.

"Why are you here?" Grantaire's voice was monotone and mechanical as he looked up at the love of his life in shock. He watched as Enjolras' face fell at his words but was too busy trying to not let himself hope that he didn't say anything else.

"I wanted to apologize for last night," Enjolras didn't meet his eyes as he spoke, "I was completely out of line with what I was saying to you and you didn't deserve it."

"It's fine, Apollo," he watched as Enjolras winced at the nickname, "I really did deserve it. Sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted."

"What the hell, R?!" There was the Enjolras he knew, filled to the brim with righteous fury and a fire blazing in his eyes, "Stop acting like I can do no fucking wrong! _I_ made a mistake, I didn't listen to what you were saying and tried to push you into something you weren't comfortable with. So I'm here now, cause I was way out of line and you never deserve to be treated that way."

"Well it's not really your problem anymore, is it?"

"What do you mean?" Enjolras stared at him, too startled to notice the plate starting to slip from his grasp.

"You made it pretty clear that this isn't what you want, so go, be free to find someone easier to manage."

"Are you… Are you breaking up with me?" His sentence was punctuated by the plate of bacon and eggs clattering to the ground.

"Holy fuck," Grantaire ignored the mess now laying on his carpet, "Were you really not expecting this? You made it pretty clear last night that this isn't what you want. So I'm letting you go be free."

"But what if I don't want you to let me go?" Enjolras' voice was soft but his words caused Grantaire's head to shoot up. "What if I care more about not losing you than I do about telling all our friends."

"Enjolras…"

"No, R, listen to me," Enjolras' voice was desperate and pleading, "I may not understand why you want to keep this between us, but if that's what you're comfortable with I will wait as long as I need to. Cause honestly, I can't imagine to going back to a life without you in it. Do you know how hard it was for me to go back to an apartment that didn't have you in it last night? So, no, I don't like not being able to tell our friends how happy you make me. I don't like that I can't hold you in public or kiss you to shut you up when you're being particularly obstinate at a meeting. But what I really don't like is not being able to have you at all. So please don't think that you're setting me free."

"I'm not what you…" Grantaire started.

"Please just take a moment to think about this," there was a broken note in Enjolras' voice that Grantaire had never heard before, "I'm going to go clean this up," he gestured to the now forgotten breakfast on the floor, "and then promise me that we can at least talk about it?"

"I… fine, just give me a moment to think and then we can talk about it." Grantaire's words seemed to calm Enjolras down enough that he was able to leave the room. Leave Grantaire alone with his thoughts.

Enjolras hadn't left him, even after the monstrosity that was the night before. Enjolras was begging him to stay, accepting that he might never be able to tell their friends what was happening. All because of him. So Grantaire knew he owed it to him to do what he'd never let himself do before. Believe that Enjolras was here to stay. He let his mind go through their months together and accept all the little things that Enjolras' had done to show him that they could last.

/

 _ **2 months prior**_

 _Grantaire entered Enjolras' apartment quietly. It was his first time coming over since Enjolras had given him the key and told him he was welcome whenever. He had to take a deep, steadying breath before inserting the key into the lock. Even though he'd been explicitly told that this was okay, he still had anxiety about entering his Apollo's space without explicit and specific permission._

 _As the door swung open he noticed Enjolras' combat boots on the welcome mat and could hear the ferocious clicking of keys emanating from the living room. Anxiously, Grantaire removed his beat-up converse and padded through the carpeted entryway to find his boyfriend. He could feel his heart beating a million miles a minute as he approached, no matter what Enjolras' had said, he didn't feel that his presence would be accepted. He knew he would somehow end up interrupting something important, that even though they had plans for later he should have texted before he came over. His anxiety worsened when he actually saw his Apollo. His curly hair was pushed out of his face by the Hello Kitty headband Courf had gotten him as a joke, his signature red jacket was discarded in a hapless heap on the floor and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows. His eyes were boring into his computer screen with the intensity he reserved for 'conservative sheep who don't realize the suffering they condone with their silence', and his brow was furrowed so deep that it created a valley on his forehead. In short, he was hella focused on something and was irritated enough that Grantaire knew it was important to him. It was a terrible time for him to show up unannounced. Processing all of this, Grantaire began to turn to leave but his movement must have alerted Enjolras that he wasn't alone._

" _Hey," Enjolras' expression softened immediately to the point where a small smile was beginning to quirk up the edges of his lips, "I didn't think you'd be here until later."_

" _I got off early today and figured I could try out that key you got me," Grantaire mumbled as his hands twisted the bottom of his shirt in a million different ways. "You seem busy though, so I can come back later."_

" _No, please don't leave me to this," Enjolras gestured at his laptop screen, "I need someone with an IQ greater than that of a hamster to talk to before my brain dissolves from stupidity."_

" _Ah so you want me to call Combferre then," Grantaire gave him a small grin as his anxiety began to dissipate. He hadn't been thrown out yet, and Enjolras actually looked happy to see him!_

" _Shut up, you idiot," Enjolras grinned, "now can you proof read this email for me?"_

" _Sure you don't want to just send it to Ferre?"_

" _He's not as good at pointing out the factual flaws in my arguments as you are," Enjolras stated inn a matter of fact tone, like he hadn't just shaken the foundation of R's whole world, "I'm still going to have him proof read for grammar and seeing if he has any additional sources though."_

" _Uh, yeah, sure? No problem," Grantaire knew his voice was shaking a bit but he really couldn't be held accountable. He'd just been told that not only did Enjolras value his input, but at times he was more useful than his right-hand man. Needless to say, it was a bit of a first and Grantaire could not be blamed if he needed a minute to process._

" _Do you mind if I turn on Last Week Tonight? I need some humor before I start planning a revolution to overthrow this stupid power-hungry regime… what?" Grantaire had started laughing in the middle of Enjolras' righteous fury tirade._

" _This is an email to the mall about why they shouldn't be kicking out teenagers," Grantaire wheezed as he tried to keep his laughing under control._

" _Well it's a serious problem! It's one of the only gathering places for teenagers to go without having to spend money. Sure, it's inherently a capitalist institution but young people need a place that they can go to communicate with each other and… why are you still laughing at me?" Enjolras' smile had turned into a full on pout as he tried to glare at his boyfriend._

" _Did Javert kick you out again for being underage?" Grantaire smirked._

" _Well yes, but that's not the point!"_

" _I told you, just show him your I.D. and you'll be fine."_

" _First off, he's known me for years! He knows that I'm over 18, and showing I.D.'s is inherently classist since there is no free form of I.D. that lists your age on it and therefore should not be relied upon – "_

" _So what your saying is that you did have your I.D. with you but you wouldn't show it to him as a form of political protest for those who can't afford to get one?" Enjolras nodded. "And then he kicked you out?" Enjolras nodded again. "Oh my god I can't believe I'm dating you." Grantaire was laughing so hard at this point that he could hardly breath. Only Enjolras._

" _Shut up," Enjolras batted him lightly with his shoulder, "it's important!"_

" _I know, I know," Grantaire tried to calm himself down, "but how about we take a break from planning revolutions against corrupt mall cops for a minute."_

" _Fine, but I am going to finish that email later."_

" _I know you will," Grantaire gave him another smile as he sat the laptop down next to the couch, "but for now, John Oliver deserves our full and undivided attention."_

 _/_

How no matter how focused Enjolras was, the moment Grantaire entered a room, the crease in his brow would lessen. How he would always lean into Grantaire's touch like he couldn't get enough of even the smallest contact. How the moment they were out of sight of their friends Enjolras would grab his hand so they would walk home fingers intertwined. There was the way that Enjolras never asked Grantaire to stop arguing with him, and would encourage it even when it was just the two of them. How Enjolras had shown up at every night of Grantaire's gallery showing just to be moral support. Even if Grantaire tried to shrug something off, Enjolras knew when something was important to him and would find time in his busy schedule to just be there. And when Grantaire was antsy or insecure, Enjolras would hold him close until his nerves settled. Never once complaining about how Grantaire's depression and anxiety made him irrational. How the moment Grantaire had mentioned he slept better when someone else was there, Enjolras presented him with a key to his flat and never once asked him to leave. He had his own half of the closet, his toiletries peppered the bathroom, he had been added to Enjolras' chore chart. Enjolras had fully let him into his life and supported him every step of the way. Enjolras had been willing to keep it all a secret just to keep Grantaire happy. Enjolras never stopped showing his love for him. Right as that realization was hitting him in the face, the man himself stepped back into the room.

"So there is a crack in the plate now," Enjolras began as he passed through the doorway.

"I want to tell them."

"Er, what?" Enjolras stopped dead in his tracks with a look of pure confusion on his face.

"I don't want to break up and I want to tell everyone that we're together."

"R," Enjolras breathed with a smile starting to grow on his face, "are you sure? I don't want to pressure you into this."

"I'm sure. This whole time I was just waiting for you to leave but now I realize that I was being a bit of an idiot."

"Wait, you thought I was just going to walk away?" The fire was being stoked in Enjolras' eyes, "I was – "

"I realize that now! I just was so scared that you didn't care for me the way I care about you and I let it get the best of me."

"Okay well I'm going to make this abundantly clear," Enjolras stepped forward until mere inches were separating them. "I. Love. You. And I have no plans on ever leaving as long as you'll have me."

"Well than, you are going to be stuck with me for a very long time."

A breathtaking smile broke out on Enjolras' face at those words and Grantaire felt his heart stop. How he thought he could ever get by without this man he would never know.

"Good." With that Enjolras leaned in to capture Grantaire's lips with his own.

"One more thing," Grantaire leaned back.

"R," Enjolras growled, "what could possibly be more important that a make-up make out?"

"First, good phrase, Courf would be proud. Second, you do realize that your very dramatic speech about your lonely soul made you sound exactly like Marius, right?"

"Okay so we had a good run," Enjolras backed up towards the door, "but looks like I do need to be freed after all.

"Oh Enjolras, you know your heart full of love won't let you stay away from me for long."

"Well I thought so, but you are showing me that I made a terrible mistake so I think I'll live." Enjolras was almost at the front door of the apartment now.

"Aww Enjy, don't be like that." Grantaire drawled as he trailed after him.

"Did you know that you're a little shit, Grantaire?"

"You know you love me."

"That is unfortunately correct."

"Don't worry, I love you too." Grantaire smirked as he leaned in to kiss his boyfriend.

"Hey, Grantaire, we just wanted to make sure that you were okay after… HOLY FUCKING SHIT," nearly the entirety of Les Amis were standing in the now-open doorway to his apartment, where they had a great view of Grantaire and Enjolras wrapped around each other in their make-up make out.

"Well," Grantaire glanced at his Apollo, "at least now we don't have to figure out how to tell them."

/

 _ **4 days prior**_

" _Grantaire, you're trashed," Enjolras was trying to peel his boyfriend off of him as they walked home from the celebration at the Musain._

"' _M allowed to be trashed, Apollo, we were celebrating selling my art!" He grinned widely into his boyfriend's shoulder as he let himself get dragged along._

" _I told you to stop calling me Apollo," Enjolras huffed._

" _But you're my Apollo."_

" _How do you figure that?"_

"' _Cause you light up my life. You're my sun. You are my Apollo." Grantaire tightened his hold on the taller man. At the moment, nothing seemed worse than the thought of letting him go._

" _Alright," Enjolras smiled down at him, "I love you too."_


End file.
